Jami's · Diary

I've come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as book-smart. There are intelligent people and unintelligent people. Book-smart seems to be the term used to describe unintelligent people who are able to obtain good grades in school. A dog can be trained to learn words like sit and stand, so why do we act as if a human's ability to learn something with enough repetition is a special skill? I've met too many people purported to be "book-smart" that could easily be outsmarted by my German Shepherd.

I think I usually do a good job of not complaining about my ailments. I'll never compare to my mother, who can only be described as inhuman in her tolerance for pain and discomfort, but I think I do a decent job of masking my own illnesses from all but my husband. Lately I feel like it's some sort of sick joke that my body seems to balance out my lack of complaint with more issues to make my number of complaints seem to be comparable to those of the average person. It's irritating.

I haven't actually been sick in the "caught something" sense since I worked on the Rudy campaign, but lately my body seems to be rebelling. It could only be described as comical that two weeks before my wedding last year I was in the hospital because I was almost completely blind in my left eye. I didn't have much to complain about since I was able to get some well-needed rest during my three-day hospital stay, and my awesome mother managed to finish all of our wedding-related projects. This year it seems to be one thing after another. This was by far the worst year I've had allergy-wise. As each season began, I felt like I couldn't imagine how my allergies could get any worse. Then the next season started and proved me wrong. This hay fever season is by far the worst I've experienced. I've been in constant pain since August 26th and have been popping benadryl and naproxen like they're going out of style.

I have done my best to stay indoors. Even with the drugs maintaining a near constant level in my blood stream, nothing stops the allergies completely. The benadryl knocks me into periodic bouts of fatigue, but prevents the sneezing for the most part. The naproxen helps dull the headaches, but they always hurt. I hadn't found a remedy for the post nasal drip or the pressure in my face. Last weekend I could tell things were getting really bad. At the end of this week, the pain in my head was excruciating, the area between my eyes and my nose was numb, and my vision was blurred. God forbid I do anything small. I went to the doctor as soon as the numbness started and he gave me antibiotics and steroids. Of course I have the kind of infection that antibiotics just wouldn't cut it for.

As we learned last October, apparently I don't tolerate prednisone well. So here I am, shaking, nauseous, and having hot flashes. Only 6 more days on a decreasing dosage. Please. Shoot. Me. Now.

Ugh, my newest laptop is definitely a lemon. When we first bought it, the wireless internet card didn't connect to Verizon's network. After much back and forth, Dell sent someone out to fix it. I'm surprised they service laptops in-home, especially since Best Buy now sells their PCs. I would have expected to have to bring it to Geek Squad as an "authorized service provider" or something to that effect. For the last few months, the laptop has been running very hot, especially during graphics-intensive activities. The problem continued to worsen and was compounded by the fact that I was having software issues. Despite reformatting the system and doing a fresh Vista install, the problems worsened so I contacted Dell. They were very attentive and had a technician call to schedule service immediately. Tom's waiting for the parts to arrive and then it will be fixed. Just in time - my CPU fan went yesterday. I'm relying on only a heat sink and cooling pad to keep this thing from a heat event. How irksome.

Tom and I are taking a trip to Boston, September 18-21. We'll be staying at Hotel Comm if anyone wants to grab lunch or dinner. I'm so excited. Tom has never visited New England so it should be a nice trip. Hell, I lived in Boston for almost a year and still never saw the aquarium. About. time.

I have been really enjoying Epinions lately. I like staying in practice with writing. I recently was awarded a "Top Review hat" and broke into the top 1000 in News & Magazines. Woot!

I did this a while ago (http://jamilynn627.livejournal.com/25418.html) but I thought it would be interesting to see if and how it has changed in the last few years:

How many songs are in your library?
6474

Sort by song title, then list first and last
First: A.D.D. - System of a Down
Last: 99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger

Sort by time, then list first and last
First: Intro (The Offspring) 0:05
Last: The Story So Far (A New Found Glory) 26:36

Top five most played songs
Back In the Day - Christina Aguilera
Mercy on Me - Christina Aguilera
Walk Away - Christina Aguilera
Circus - Britney Spears
Starts with Goodbye - Carrie Underwood

What's the first song that comes up on shuffle?
I Can't Hate You Anymore - Nick Lachey

Search for "sex"; how many songs come up? 28


Search for "death"; how many songs come up? 36


Search for "love"; how many songs come up? 309

I haven't written in forever. It has been on my to-do list, but it always gets pushed off for other things. Right now I feel nauseous... quite likely a byproduct of me staying up late to read Twilight. I'm shocked that I find myself so engrossed in modern fiction. I was glad everything worked out in Eclipse, but I could have (should have) waited until morning. The last time I looked at the clock was at 5:11 am and I got up at 7:30 am for work. Ugh.

Jeanna and I had our monthly (though sometimes weekly) cousin get-together last night. It was an awesome night of Edward Cullen swooning, discussing the importance of baby pictures as part of the transition to adulthood, and strained karaoke. I've learned that tea is slowly growing on me.

I have lots of newer things in the works that I'll write about as time passes. Fatigue tends to make my mind lazy so writing the type of entry I want is out of the question. I can't seem to do anything productive right now. It's only 9:45 am and I'm working until 2 pm. This day will be interminable. All I want to do is crawl back up in bed with my book, even if it's only to sleep...

I had an appointment with my new endocrinologist. He decided to up my dose of the synthroid. Hopefully that will boost my metabolism and get this weight loss thing going. As far as diet is concerned, this week has been a decent week for me, but between everything that's going on I haven't gotten to the gym at all. Last week was hectic for reasons I don't care to discuss with those I haven't personally told. My closest friends obviously know about what was going on and how upset I was. Monday I was busy. Tuesday my Grandfather needed the car to go to a wake. Today, after the doctor's appointment, my father asked me to come to Atlantic City with him. I won $200! I know it's not a lot, but I'm happy to be able to throw more money into savings. It was a fun day. We were down to $60, then made a come back. Dad won a couple hundred as well, and dinner, a full tank of gas ($3.91 in NJ!), and a shirt for Daddy paid for themselves. I don't get to see him too much considering he works 6 days per week so the quality time was a welcome diversion.

I can't believe the wedding is nearing three months away. Wow. Tom and I have so many tasks to take care of this month. At least some of it is fun stuff like our tasting.

I edited all of my pictures last week. It was a massive undertaking, but a necessary one. It was essential that I back up my photos, especially with our new Canon Xsi. I used a number of my favorite images to make various products to sell on zazzle.com. Tom and I were saying we should use one of my designs for thank-you notes if someone throws me a shower.

Bridal showers; a topic that has caused me great anxiety. In the interest of being candid (after all this is my blog), I hate showers and I'm dreading mine. Editing the pictures of Jackie's last week made me cringe. It was great for her and I'm sure for many people if that's your style, but it's just not mine unfortunately. Being stuck in a room with 50 women "oooooh-ing" and "aaaah-ing" as they scrutinize me watching gifts I picked out? Can we say torture? First of all, I don't do well with the "girly, female-bonding" thing. There's a reason most of my close friends throughout the years have been guys. I'd rather spend time discussing computers, video games, and science than most of the things most females I know seem to discuss. It's fine if that's what you're into, but it's just not me. I feel like a lot of women gravitate toward shallow conversation... Perhaps this is because that's what is expected of them or these topics are easier for casual conversation. Either way, I'd rather sit around talking about politics with Pete, discussing music with Jeanna, or griping about the lack of English grammar taught in schools with Brina, than making small talk. It's hard to talk to people you have little in common with about topics other than the weather, tabloid gossip, or the wedding. Luckily the latter would be pretty universal to anyone at a shower and it is a topic that -- although out of character for me -- I've become quite the expert on.

Even worse than pressures of female bonding is opening gifts in front of people. I've always hated do this at Christmas and Birthdays. Try giving a crowd-pleasing reaction about gifts you picked out yourself. "Oh my Lord, it's the china set that I picked out!" "OOOH. It's the linens I personally chose." This wouldn't be so terrible if a less than elated reaction wouldn't fall under criticism, but people get offended if you don't seem to like their gift enough. I love your gift! So much so, that it's exactly what I'd buy for myself (wait, I picked it...). I'm just not an excitable person in that way. I detest attention and it's hard for me to be excited about something with a whole room full of people watching me. It doesn't mean I'm ungrateful, it just means I'd appreciate it if you were all blindfolded. There is a distinction.

I think my feelings are only compounded by the fact that as a guest, I hate showers. What do you do at a shower? Eat and see the bride open gifts. Perhaps there's a game of bridal bingo thrown in there too. It's boring to watch the bride open gifts. The only one anyone not in the bride's immediate family cares about is her own. What's so exciting about me watching her open gifts that I've seen on her registry that I didn't buy and seeing her reaction to receiving the stuff she picked out? Additionally, they're so long! It's insane that opening gifts can be an hour-long process. Bridesmaid unwraps. Bride coos over gift. Gift gets handed to another bridesmaid who writes down the person's name and gift. The bow is given to a crafty family member making a ribbon hat. If I'm at yours, as much as I may love you, I'm only there to eat and bring you the gift. Even then I'm often frustrated because I had to wait for you to get to your "surprise" shower before I could eat.

So all-in-all they're stuffy and boring events. I'm very grateful if someone has decided to throw one for me and to all the people who would buy us gifts, but I'm sorry to those who have to attend it (unless you like girl bonding and hours of gift opening).

Speaking of showers, I need to bug Tom to call Frank so I can give Diana her shower gift. It has been sitting in my house for a month!

Saturday is our four year anniversary. We're thinking of heading to Big Ed's for some ribs. We're trying to keep things low budget with the wedding ahead. $18.99 for deliciou all-you-can-eat ribs is right up our alley, and we have a 10% off coupon too.

I've been spending some time on associatedcontent.com. They accept articles, nonfiction and fiction pieces, recipes, etc and pay for them. It's been a welcome addition to my epinions income. I had a number of short stories from a creative writing class I took. I published them on the site with exclusive rights so hopefully I'll make a few bucks. They were just sitting on my external hard drive anyway. Reading them two years later, I still think they are quite good. When Tom read them, he asked if I wrote it (emphasis on the "I") which was a compliment and an insult at the same time. I'm glad the writing was impressive enough to think it was professionally written, but a tad perturbed that such impressive writing must not have come from me! Either way, publishing them was a much productive use of otherwise lame duck files on my computer.

I think I'm going to go write a review. Productivity here I come!

It's been so long. So much and so little has happened at the same time.

Life is always a crazy adventure for me. I'm still doing so well health-wise. My last blood results (after starting my exercise and diet regimen) turned out well. My cholesterol, triglycerides (diet-based fat), and TSH (thyroid) were all perfect. My iron was a little low, which I'm working to correct. I have been sticking with staying fit. I go to the gym 4-5 times per week for at least 30 minutes. Last night I started doing a Zumba class which was a lot of fun. I'll be doing that for an hour weekly. I haven't really started losing weight yet. The doctor said nothing is wrong health wise so hopefully it will kick in. Either way, I feel better, so I'm not stopping anytime soon.

I went off my birth control pill to see if that helps at all. It's nice to have one less pill in my body every day. I feel better, but going off the pill has been an emotional roller coaster. I can't seem to get a firm answer either way, but from what I've found online, a lot of women go through this. I've been so up and down. It's like being in 24 hour PMS mode for a month. Tom has been lovely about dealing with it. I deal with a lot of stress normally, as most of my friends know well. I'm usually quite capable of handling, but this month has been a rough one. I know it will pass so I'm hanging in there. I've been focusing on the things that make me the most happy while I wait it out.

I have been MS attack free now for 1 year, 5 months. I'm so so fortunate and hope that my recent health blitz only lengthens that time.

The wedding is almost here and I can't believe it. Everything is booked. We're less than 5 months away. I'm incredibly excited and can't wait to celebrate with all of our family and friends. Now Tom and I get to do all of the fun stuff. Last month we went for a cake tasting to pick out a flavor. They were all delicious. Next month we go for our tasting at the reception venue.

Job-wise, I have some things in the works that I don't want to jinx. Nothing political, although I did volunteer to help my good friend with his State Senate campaign come late summer. I'm hoping to have a new job by the end of June. To not further tax our financial resources, I'm going to hold off on going back to school until Spring semester, after the wedding. Weddings in NYC are appallingly expensive (like everything else here) so it doesn't make sense to shell out even more money in the fall.

For some reason, whenever I buy one new gadget, I end up with quite a few others. I bought a new iPod after my boss at the dentist office (Saturday job) told me they offered 10% off for trading in an old one. I wanted a new one with video for use on the honeymoon flight. It's great! (I'll be writing a review of it on Epinions soon!) I also got another new toy that I'm incredibly excited about, though not fully ready to disclose. I'm still learning to work it! Tom got a new camera to use on our honeymoon.

Things are well, I just wish these blah moods would pass. Soon I think.

This was overall a good week.

Last month, we missed a shipment of my medication because of a problem with the prescription. I ended up missing two shots in the process. For some reason the first shot after missing one is ok... the second is hell. As expected, I had the original symptoms this week. 102.6 fever, the chills, the pain, and the headache were all back. Stupidly I got my butt out of bed and got on the excersize bike for 30 minutes then did 30 crunches. I was a little dizzy and dehydrated after... and my fever spiked a bit because you really should exert yourself with a high fever, but I felt so much better. I've been waiting for the "right time" to exercise, but if you wait for a time when you're consistently well rested, it will never happen. So I did it and it felt better. I rode the bike again for 35 minutes on Tuesday and Wednesday. I stuck with the crunches too. I took an exercise break yesterday and only did the crunches. Today I did my 30 minutes on the bike and a full 30 minute strength work out. As soon as Aunt Patti's car is fixed and we have our extra car back, I'm going to go to the gym 3x a week for a full body workout in addition to the bike. I'm going to stick to it. I want to be healthier.

Dad and I went to Atlantic City on Wednesday. We had a lot of fun and I won $200 in black jack. Harrah's is very quiet during the week. Nothing like Vegas, though. Most of the restaurants don't even open until 5:30 PM. Dad had his shoes shined. It was definitely an adventure.

Wedding planning has been so busy. We're having our invitations custom designed by Aimee from Creativemontage.com. It's amazing how she does them. She starts from scratch and asks for some "inspiration" pictures. I sent her pictures of my gown, our venues, flower ideas, my ring, our limos, etc. She came up with the perfect design. Right now she's designing our monogram. We are also in the process of printing and assembling the save the dates. I can't believe the wedding is only seven months away. It is coming so quickly.

Really not much going on for now. I'm going to try to blog more to keep myself accountable for my exercise program. Wish me luck!

I know, I know. I'm terrible at keeping this up-to-date. Anyway, here we go.

Life is pretty normal, albeit busy and stressful right now. Yesterday I went to the eye doctor. 20/80 and 20/150. Oops. The doctor gave me a prescription for glasses. I'm looking forward to being able to see. Vynne and I drove home with our pupils dilated and it was extremely trippy. Scary too.

I have been so fatigued as of late. Commuting to the city is getting to me. I don't think commuting was designed for those of us with MS. I find the schedule too hectic. I wake up at 6:30 AM (I squeeze every last minute out of it) and get on the 8:15 AM train. I work until 5-6:30 PM, depending on the day. I get back home anytime from 6:30 - 8:00 PM. Then I eat dinner. I get to spend 2 or 3 hours with Tom before heading home at 10:30 PM (it's easier to commute from my parents' house). I get about 5 hours sleep by the time all is said and done. My MS seems to require 9 hours nightly, so often my 2 or 3 hours with Tom is really 1 hour after a nap. Sometimes he naps with me and that makes me happy. I take off Mondays to recover from my shot so I only commute 4 days, but by the 5th day I'm shot. No rest though, as I work at 8 AM at the doctor's office on Saturday. I'm in desperate need of sleep as we type this.

I'm trying to stick it out though. I habe so many more doctor's appointments to make. I have to see the MS specialist still. Then a round of MRIs. Then back the specialist. I have to go to my primary doctor first for blood work. OB-GYN trip soon too. I don't even know how to fit them all in.

Wedding planning is still so much fun. I'm still just as surprised that I'm enjoying it so much. We're done with all of the big stuff. The Church, reception hall, photographer, limo, DJ, and cocktail hour entertainment are all booked. The Church is finally finalized. Our Church is going under construction before our wedding. We had two choices. One was Mt. Loretto, which has a gorgeous exterior (featured in The Godfather), but turned out to be hideous inside. We expected a cathedral and it was very modern. Ugly. The second, and where the ceremony will be held, is St. Joseph's. It is a quaint Church. It has an old feel to it and it's very beautiful. We're both very happy about it and I'm elated to have that decided now. We have a meeting with our florist next week. We're seeing our awesome photographer Matt on the 26th for a Save The Date photo shoot. We'll be finishing those up soon. We're also going to begin working on invitations. Everything is coming together very nicely.

My latest obsession is Guitar Hero III. It rocks.

Tom and I went out on Saturday night to celebrate our 3 and a half year anniversary. It was just an excuse to make date night more expensive :-). We ate at the Hilton and then headed to the lounge to hang out with Aunt Patti, watching her friends band. We had a great time.

My damn pill made me gain 18 lbs. Perfect right before the wedding. I have to get my butt to the gym....

I have been so busy lately.

I have been working at the campaign 3 days a week. I spend about 3 hours commuting, so I've been spending most of my time off with Tom. After 3 years, I still get whiny if I don't see him enough. He's been so sweet lately. He even messed around with my "To Do" List on my google homepage, adding tasks like "Kiss Tom" and "Play COH." He even did the dishes for me so I didn't have to worry about them when I got home from work today.

Work has been awesome. Working for this Presidential campaign has been my dream as long as I can remember. I even find the "general" intern work to be exciting; things like campaign calls, working the front desk phones (answering calls from concerned citizens), and data entry, that most people would find mundane. It's awesome to be feeling like I'm making a difference. The special projects are quite exciting too. I had to pull apart an opposing party's candidate for analysis, and I performed the task enthusiastically. It happened to be someone I have a great deal of disdain for. I have also been doing special projects for Pete's friend. I am even thinking of working on some of it tomorrow from home.

Tom and I have been taking advantage of our time together. Last week, we went out to eat a lot. Our staple, Ciro, for lunch (they know both our drink and lunch orders), followed by Docks for dinner. The food at Docks was fantastic. They recently added a gorgeous mural to the walls; a vintage beach scene. We loved it. When we walked in, a black gentleman with dread locks was standing at the front by the microphone. This wasn't a surprise as it was Saturday night, when they have live music regularly. What was so surprising, was the vocalist's voice! I expected him to be singing beachy-calypso tunes and reggae... he sang everything from that to Sinatra to Unchained Melody (better than the original) to an amazing rendition of some song from Phantom of the Opera. We were so glad we went there that night. Usually we're annoyed by loud, live music, but we thoroughly enjoyed his singing. I even grabbed his card on the way out.

Tomorrow is my day off. I'm looking forward to a little rest. I have been feeling a bit under the weather. I was happy that I had made a big pot of chicken soup (from scratch!) on Monday. Tom and I enjoyed that, two nights in a row. Perfect weather for soup, too. It was rainy and chilly, all day. The soup was even better left over. Maybe it will make my gland stop swelling.

Either way...good times. Really happy things are going well.

Let's start with the good news... remember that small friends only post about that internship? I got it. I started work on Tuesday and so far I've been enjoying it very much. I'll have to make a friends only post with some info at another time.

I had a tooth taken out last week. It wasn't horrible after. Almost no swelling and minimal pain. The needle in my palette hurt like hell (and I can take pain). I also hated the feeling of being numb. After the surgery, I felt like throwing up and fainting, all at the same time. I closed my eyes and it passed, but still sucked. Tomorrow the other one is supposed to come out after work. I'm nervous to say the least.

To make matters worse, last week we had a bad shot. A really bad shot. 3 hours in bed crying bad. I was in so much pain. Not sure why this week was so much worse than other recent weeks.

Now the more devastating news. We went to the neuro on Thursday and found out that 2 lesions in my brain and 1 in my spine shrunk, but new ones appeared on both. The Doctor wants to discuss putting me on another drug. He even suggested Tysabri which I don't even consider an option. An IV infusion is absolutely out of the question. Another option would be a daily or once every other day shot.

I feel like we haven't given the Avonex a chance and what was he expecting? I was never under any delusions that the Avonex was a cure. It is said to slow progression, not stop it. He says he doesn't want to give me the impression I am not doing well (which is exactly what it sounds like), but he doesn't think the Avonex is doing enough.

I'm 22. This becomes a quality of life issue. I'm still in school. I work part time. I'm doing an internship 24 hours a week. Adding a shot to my daily routine may not be something I can handle. I shouldn't have to deal with that. I can't go through another side effect readjustment period. I was sick for so long. I can't be sick right now. School's starting in a few weeks and with everything else, I need a rest for Christ's sake!

I told him that I think we should give it more of a chance and said we should wait six months. We agreed on three. We'll do the next round of MRIs and decide then what to do. I'm really really devastated by the prospect of both the MS progressing and having to readjust to a new treatment.

1. The media making such a big deal about the Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnilo sex photos. I saw them, they are hardly graphic. It is pretty clear they were high up on some private balcony at a hotel in Mexico in a hot tub. It shouldn't be an issue, and if papparazzi weren't climbing trees to photograph them, they would be like any other couple celebrating their anniversary in a hot tub. What is the big deal? She is his girlfriend and they are adults. Why do the tabloids act as if this is so scandelous?

2. Stereotypes about women (which I do not deny are created by women themselves). I hate that everytime we go to a restaurant and Tom orders a diet coke and I order a coke, somehow I always get the diet coke. Just because I'm a chick, does not mean I'm on a diet! I hate diet soda and anything else that does not have sugar in it. I think most of those stupid sugar substitutes are going to end up having negative health effects in the future. My Great Grandfather lived to be 98 and somehow did it without Equal or Splenda! Regardless of my views on the subject, get your damn orders right!

The same thing happens with food. A girl can't like red meat? We went out with friends the other night. I was the only girl. Somehow the grilled chicken ends up in front of me, the sizzling chicken and shrimp ends up in front of Jason, and Tom gets my steak. So annoying!

End rant.

Wow. These past few weeks have been extremely busy.

The last week of June and first week of July were the most stressful. We had my birthday and all the get togethers that come along with it. We were packing for a vacation and running all of the errands associated with the vacation. I have been working Saturday's at a dentist's office, and didn't bother taking off the day before we left. Our flight out to Vegas was on Sunday, but at 7:00PM. We had a bridal shower at 12:00 PM. We literally left the shower, ran home to grab our stuff, then hopped in the van and headed to pick up other family members who did the same. A total of 8 of us flew out that day, with 2 more meeting up with us on Thursday.

Vegas was amazing. It was Tom's first flight and first trip to Vegas. We had a bit of a rough take off. I was looking at Tom's face thinking "I guess we're driving home," but the rest of the flight was fine and we had a great landing. Tom LOVED Vegas. We only had 6 days because of the flight schedules, but we saw so much in that time. Tom loved the "Tournament of Kings" dinner show at Excalibur. He loved the Bellagio fountains as well. I took a video of it on my digital camera and you here him saying "Wow! That's awesome! It's almost as high as the building!" He was actually giddy. The Star Trek Experience was a lot of fun. We also ate at this amazing steak restaurant, Steakhouse46. The food was out of this world, but quite expensive. $220 for the two of us! I'll post the pictures soon.

This week has been a bit of a whirlwind as well. My medication never came. We spent 4 days on the phone with the insurance company, pharmacy, and doctor's office. It was supposed to be delivered Saturday, but it didn't. I was due for a shot Sunday. I'm going to take it as soon as I receive the medication, but I'm worried about the repercussions side-effect-wise.

I found out I need some serious dental work. Two wisdom teeth need to be extracted and three root canals are required. Please shoot me. To complicate things, my treatment slows my healing so I have to call my neurologist to clear everything.

We ordered the guest book the week before vacation and it came in missing a page. It actually was my fault, since the file was messed up from me playing around with it, but the company is nice enough to reprint it for me at no charge. I was actually happy, because I was able to proof read a hard copy. We changed some things around and added a few new pictures from Vegas. The new one shipped out already and I can't wait to receive it.

We also did some other wedding related stuff. We ordered an antique bird cage for our cards. I also ordered flip flops as "dancing shoes" for our wedding. We'll have a basket set up, with our note for our guests to take them if their feet hurt. I also received a phone call from the bridal shop today. My gown came in already! I was quite surprised. They told me it will be held until my fittings 2 months before. I can come in at anytime to try my gown. I think I will in September, once I'm in shape.

I have lunch and phone calls to take care of. More updates soon!

Tons of stuff to do today.

Sunday night was rough. I ended up being awake until 5 AM, so sick from my shot. My head was killing me and my whole body ached. Finally at 4:30 AM I decided that 8 AM class wasn't happening. I checked the class schedule and saw that Professor Scimeca teaches the same class at 10:00, so I emailed her asking if the room number was correct and if I could come to that. She told me to skip class. She is so sweet. I slept from about 9-11:30 AM in an attempt to recover. Felt sick through last night but feel like I'm finally recovered today. Tom and I are going to a healing mass later. Maybe that will help.

I have a few emails to write, then studying for finals. Only a week or two to go. Glad to be near the end. I need a little break.

Still waiting for Dr. Perel to call with the second MRI results. I'm very optimistic about them.

I recently discovered this Nickelodeon Gameshow Channel on our digital cable. They play all of my favorite gameshows from my childhood; Legends of the Hidden Temple, Double Dare, Guts, etc. It is so amusing seeing the prizes which are N64 games and even SNES Games for some of the older shows. Very fun time.

Feeling so sick today. Every muscle in my body was aching and my temperature was just not cooperating. The good news is I am doing so much better with the actual injection. It is becoming easier and easier. I am no longer a pscyho on Saturdays, taking the feeling of impending doom out on Tom. I get a little nervous right before (like that second) and I can't watch Tom prep the needle. If I see Tom hold the needle up and inject the liquid out of it my eyes practically bug out of my head like a cartoon. If this was a cartoon world, it would shortly after be followed by the sound of Road Runner beginning to take off and his "meep meep." Tom has been doing an excellent job with the injections. No mishaps whatsoever. Very little blood. Very little pain. I can put up with the side effects. A little tough sometimes since today was Mother's Day and was very busy with visiting both of our mothers and having company at Tom's house. I ended up needing to nap.

Mass was very enjoyable today. There were 3 baptisms during it, and it was a special treat to watch. Monsignor Conway (who will be marrying us) performed the mass and I really enjoyed his homily. It was about prioritizing in your life and everything he said really inspired me. The children who made first communion this weekend were in mass and were all invited to the altar to watch the Monsignor prepare the Eucharist. It ran long (an hour and a half) but left me feeling very peaceful. The vocalist sang Ave Maria and another song and he was AMAZING. Everyone stood up and clapped when he finished.

Next Saturday we have Pre Cana at our church. I'm kind of excited about it. Who knew? Christina is going to be on a new charity album of Lennon covers called "Instant Karma." Buy it :-)

Professor Scimeca told me I did get an A on the exam. I am officially exempt from my core final. Yay!

Tom and I had a very romantic mini date in the park last night. We bought sandwiches at Certos then went to Wolfe's Pond Park. We sat at a picnic table by the pond. A squirrel quickly joined us. He was quite friendly since he is probably used to people, and we gave him some bread. There were a few geese swimming at the edge of the pond. A swan came and chased them out and we gave them some bread. Pretty soon, we had 8 or 9 birds standing around our table looking for food. After we finished, we walked close to the pond. The swan was chasing geese back and forth. It looked like a road runner cartoon. Overall it was very peaceful. Pictures in the 2007 Picnic at the Park album: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/noangelsthistime/my_photos

Nothing else new. Busy as finals are getting closer. Almost done!

My neurologist's office just called. The doctor said the MS is stable in my spine and the lesion even got "a little better." I'm SO happy to hear that. I just feel like at least I haven't been sick every weekend for nothing. I have another MRI tomorrow. I'm hoping that one goes well too. The MS specialist in the city told us that the spinal lesion was the one responsible for the hand and leg numbness.

Maybe. My history professor told me that I may be exempt from the final. I received an A on her first exam, an A on the reacting project, and an A+ on the paper she handed back today. She said if I did well on this exam, I do not have to take the final (which will be fantastic!) I think I did well. I don't want to say definitely. It was a short exam because we only had an hour. There were two short essays about the Compromise of 1850 and the 14th and 15th amendments, followed by a full-length essay about Booker T. Washington and W.E.B. Dubois. I tried to be as thorough as possible and completely dumped off everything I know about each topic. She asked me to email her Sunday so she can pull my exam and grade it to give me a heads up on how I did. Keep your fingers crossed that I did well!

Yesterday, I had my MRI of my spine. It is the annual one, nothing out of the ordinary. It started off much more pleasant than usual. I had a positive attitude despite waiting an HOUR for them to take me (actually an hour and a half because we got there early). I laid down on the table which was nicely padded and even had a pillow without me asking. Usually you just lay there and are told to stay still, but this time they put some sort of device over my chest and around my chin to keep me from moving too much. I appreciated it since I usually end up tensing my muscles up to stay still resulting in soreness.

For once, I was even given headphones. You couldn't hear the music once the machine started but I appreciated the effort. Unlike the usual all-white inside of the MRI tube, there was a blue line down the center above my head. It was nice to have a focal point. Overall, I wasn't miserable when I was pulled out of the tube and asked the woman, "That was it?" She answered, "Yes, we just have to do the contrast." WHAT? Contrast involves injecting a dye into my blood. Are you out of your fucking mind?

First of all, anyone who knows me knows I do not like putting any foreign substances in my body. I take antibiotics only when I must. Coping with the poison I put in my body on a weekly basis is bad enough. I have been having thyroid issues and it has gotten more and more complicated due to the medications I am on. There is no way in hell dye is being injected into my body unnecessarily. I immediately informed the woman that it was no contrast and she said that the doctor ordered that (I found out the script said he wanted both, he's not getting it). What pissed me off the most was that I went to get out of the brace and the woman is yelling at me not to take it off. I look to my right and some guy is standing there with a needle. The woman left and the technician came in. He was much nicer about it and said that I can decline if I want, they only need my signature. Fine. He said if they weren't doing the contrast, I was done. WTF? So was that woman trying to get me to lay back down thinking they would talk me into it?

I followed the technician out of the room to sign the form. The guy who had been trying to inject me started talking down to me, insisting there was a reason the doctor wanted it. I don't care. I have never needed contrast before and they discovered the MS with an MRI that was done without contrast in a sub-par open scan. At NY Presbyterian with the most stuck-up, arrogant doctor in the world, I was not required to have dye injected into me for the MRI. Dr. Perel is a very competent neurologist... he will have to figure it out without the dye.

I have a pounding headache right now. I took my painkiller today and under no circumstances am I allowed to take advil while it is in my system. Tylenol is about as effective as a petition to save a chick show on Fox. I imagine the headache is a combination of my allergies, the side effects from my medication, and stress.

Things have been so up and down lately. The wedding planning is coming along great. The church, hall, photographer, limousine, and piano player are all booked. Meeting with a DJ next week. Contacted the florist. The dress is ordered and the shoes are purchased. We are so happy with how things are coming along. We have been in this wedding planning euphoria. Waiting is going to be the most difficult part.

School has been stressful. I feel overwhelmed. Worrying about appealing unofficial withdrawals from when I first became ill is such a hassle. It amounts to tons of signatures. Keeping up with this semester's work and dealing with last semester's work. I have a lot of days when I am just frustrated. Time can keep things moving and ensure that no matter what tough time we are going through, it is only temporary, but sometimes I wish time would stop so I can catch up. I feel like everytime I get close there is a set back. My bloodwork is messed up again. I need to go to an endocrinologist to figure out what to do with my thyroid. I'm thinking of going off my birth control pill to simplify things. It would rule out one more thing that could be adding to the problem. We know my shots can cause thyroid issues but my numbers had been a little abnormal before I was on it. I feel like I need to speak to a gyno before I make a decision, but that is just one more thing to worry about. I have two MRIs next week and a vendor meeting as it is. Why not add more stress to the list?

Tom has been doing a fantastic job with my shots. The last two went smoothly and didn't bleed at all. I still get butterflies before the shot for a few minutes, but nothing like what I was experiencing before. I am so thankful.

Today's sermon at church was about facing our issues and coming out above them. I think it is a sign. I need to get passed all of the things that are bothering me. Going to have to work my ass off, but I'm sick of being sick and sick of being stressed.

My Mom has been a really awesome help lately. She's been really picking up the slack for me. I don't know why but for some reason she's had some 6th sense that I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I am due for 2 MRIs; one of my brain and one of my cervical spine to track the lesion and see if the poison err medicine they are giving me is working. The insurance requires preauthorization on all of these kinds of procedures. Basically the doctor's office calls and gets a number and after two or three phone calls back and forth, it is authorized. It only works for 30 days, then the numbers are invalid. Well we got it authorized in early February. I called for an appointment and it was scheduled for March. I didn't know the damn things would expire and we cancelled the MRIs and got new authorizations.

This month was CRAZY especially this past week (see previous post). Mom has been bugging me to get new authorizations and I've been putting it off because I'm just not in the mood to go through the whole process. It's hard for me to be on the phone sometimes, especially right now, because my memory has been pretty bad lately... forgetting my own phone number, things like that. I tried lift the toilet seat like it was a garbage can, trying to push some invisible pedal on the floor. I'll be fine but stress only makes it worse. I need to breathe and work through it.

I called Mom yesterday. She's been pretty pissed about me not calling the insurance and I fully expected to get in a fight. I said "Mom, I have a lot of shit to do today... emails, 3 papers, work stuff, reorder my medication, etc. Can you call the insurance?" She replied "If I have time," in a noise that was surprisingly devoid of annoyance. By the end of the day, I received an email from her work address with the two new authorization numbers. Then today in the car, Mom asked me if I wanted her to schedule the appointments. It really took me by surprise, but helped take a load off.

I get overwhelmed. Sometimes between school and work then the health thing. The MS has its ups and downs. Sometimes I'm fine, then I have these weeks when I feel like I cannot even fathom how I'll get my shot done that week. Sometimes I'm just sick of being sick every week. It is only made worse by "mishaps" with the shot. Sometimes the shot hurts pretty bad or something worse. Whenever something happens, it shakes my confidence. Two weeks ago when Tom said "you're bleeding," I thought, "so?" and grabbed a gauze pad then turned around to see Tom grabbing a paper towel and blood on the floor. "You're gushing!" would have been a more appropriate declaration. When you turn around and see a nose bleed coming out of your booty, most normal people would be a bit shaken. I was a little more than a bit shaken. I was shaking. I must have turned blue. I hate putting Tom through that. It wasn't his fault. The doctor said the combination of medicines and my condition can make me anemic at times. There was nothing he could have done to prevent it. But he feels like it was his fault. This week, he did the shot again for the first time since and did an awesome job. I didn't even feel it. It just sucks that he has to deal with all of the repercussions; even if they are unavoidable.

My fear of needles has only gotten worse. In the past, nothing "bad" has happened when I got a shot. It happened to infrequently (just vaccines) that it was near impossible for there to be any problems. Now that it is a weekly thing, I've had more mishaps than I could have imagined. For some reason, my fear of blood tests has gotten better. My last one, which was a week ago, was the calmest one I've ever had. I guess I just have a lot of confidence in my doctor and like that it is the only needle I get anymore that isn't huge and doesn't have to make it to my muscle.

Well, off to finish the 3rd of those papers before 8:00 AM tomorrow

This was an insanely busy week for us. Lots of good stuff happening and feeling a bit overwhelmed with so much more to do.

On Monday, we went to bible study. Monsignor Conway went an hour over, but I enjoyed it. Learned quite a few things I didn't know. Tuesday, Tom took the day off and we got so much done! First, we booked the limousine. We're using A-Class Limousines (Jackie and Cousin Pat (the one who took us for alcohol, Laura) who are getting married in September, recommended them). George, our contact there, was such a nice guy. He had a lot of personality and kept us entertained with his wedding stories. We booked a 12 passenger Chrysler 300 c stretch and a 1938 Cadillac Fleetwood that was actually used in the filming of the movie "The Godfather." We thought this would be especially cool if Our Lady Star of the Sea goes under construction and we have to have the wedding at Mt. Loretto where the movie was filmed. We saved ourselves $200 by going with the Godfather car, which was a welcome savings. We then had lunch, before getting my hair cut then going shopping at the mall for outfits. I must have spent $300 on clothes, but ended up getting a lot for that money and enjoying the alone time with Tom. We spent the rest of the night relaxing until his friend Mark came over.

Wednesday morning we left for Albany. It was the worst possibly driving weather, with rain coming down in sheets, but we still made it up in 3 hours and 20 minutes. We checked into the hotel, which we were impressed with. The room was very comfortable and the convenience store in the hotel didn't overcharge us when we went down to get a snack. We're so used to being ripped off that when the employee said $3.50 for the two bottles of water and popcorn that we were buying, I thought he had only scanned one bottle of water. We headed to our photographer, Matt's house for dinner and the shoot. Matt and Tonya were so sweet. We had a great time hanging out with them and doing the shoot. They have the cutest dogs ever. One, Dexter, even knows how to catch a ball with his paws. Matt also showed us all of the things we hadn't gotten to see in person, like the albums and a sample slideshow. The slideshow will be played at our reception (silently looping) on a 30 inch screen (gorgeous) with all of our ceremony pictures. We were really excited. Matt had a few of our pictures up in his blog the next day and the whole shoot was available by Friday. We ordered our prints last night around 8:00pm and they have already shipped. Talk about efficient!

Friday through Sunday was family time. Friday, Tom's Godfather and that side of the family came over. Saturday, we went to Uncle Larry's house in Pennsylvania with much of my family. Sunday, we went to Aunt Vicky's house. So busy. Today is the first day I can breathe.

And the breathing is short-lived. I have 2 papers to write... insurance to call... medicine to reorder... and work stuff to do. So much for Spring Break!

Busy week for us.

Saturday morning, we went to the doctor's to have my blood work done and my shot. My doctor is great and I didn't even feel the needle go in for the blood test. I didn't bleed profusely from my shot. By noon, we were off to Atlantic City!

The timeshare was great. We had a jacuzzi tub, kitchen, living room, dining area, and balcony. I hate Atlantic City. Maybe I'm spoiled because we always went to Vegas (although Mohegan Sun was like a Vegas hotel, too). Atlantic City was gross. The casinos are completely surrounded by slums. The area was dirty. The hotels were disgusting. Most of them are in need of renovations. The people were low lives. Transportation was a disaster (if we wanted a cab right after the concert, we would have had to wait in live for a half hour in the cold). If I could avoid ever going there again, I will. The Borgata was nice, but still not what it should be considering the money they take in every day from gamblers.

The concert was AWESOME. Danity Kane was good, but them hyping up the crowd was obnoxious and annoying. PCD, I could have done without. Nicole sang this solo and her voice was so grating. They were also loud and obnoxious with the crowd. I wanted to punch her every time she yelled "Where my pussycat dolls at?" to the audience. Christina was awesome. She sounded much better than I expected her to after all the touring she has been doing. The sets were great and so were the costumes. If anyone wants audio, I have the entire concert :-)

Yesterday we came back, relaxed for a bit, then went to church. Tonight, bible study. Tomorrow we're going to book the limo and possibly meet with the DJ. Wednesday, we're heading up to Albany for pictures and staying overnight. Friday, Tom's Godfather is coming over. Saturday, we're going to Aunt Annie and Uncle Larry's. Sunday Tom's Aunt Vicky's house. Someone shoot me :-D

seeing as I was just eating one. In actuality, I just can't think of a decent title.

This weekend was very rough. It started off great with a trip to Menlo Park on Friday to pick up the swatch for my gown and get our rings cleaned. We had a mini-date to Macaroni Grill and really enjoyed ourselves. Saturday was shot day. We were busy all day then has a really bad injection. When Tom pulled the needle out, it was bleeding a lot. Usually it bleeds like any other shot; at most a few drops. This was really bleeding. There were drops of blood on the floor and it came out so fast that Tom grabbed a paper towel. I was really shaken up by it because we obviously don't know why it did that. Tom didn't do anything wrong. It didn't hurt more than usual. He checked for a blood vessel in my muscle by pulling back the plunger and checking for blood. He said he noticed the blood as soon as he withdrew the needle. I was shaking. I had a horrible night's sleep and felt under the weather Sunday because of it. Tom felt like it was his fault when it wasn't. The blood was like water. Tom noticed it too. On Saturday, we're going to the doctor for blood work to make sure the drugs haven't affected my liver or thyroid.

On the bright side, we're going to a Christina Aguilera concert on Saturday night. It should be a nice romantic interlude. We're staying overnight in the timeshare. It even has a jacuzzi tub. I just want a good night's sleep with no interruptions. Then Wednesday, we are going up to Albany to get our Engagement Portraits done. I'm really excited because I can finally order my guest book once we have the portraits. It will also be in the newspaper.

I LOVE my Core class. I actually look forward to it every day (and it is an 8 AM class)! Allright, I'm a bit dizzy. I'm definitely not dehydrated, but I haven't slept much and this could be my body saying "nap or attack, pick!"

The church is booked!!!!!

Tom and I will be getting married on October 25, 2008 at 2:15.

We had our meeting with the church yesterday. Everything went fantastic. The church is going to cost us less than we expected and it turns out that we don't even need to pay for flowers for the church. It will already be decorated.

The sonogram came back normal. The doctor wants to send me to a pee pee doctor and I think I'm just fine as is. We'll worry about it another time. For right now, there is no need to do any more testing. I still have 2 MRIs I need to get for my neurologist. Let's not push it.

Been under a little bit of stress lately with school. Professors at CSI don't know how to answer their emails and I'm a tad perturbed that I haven't gotten response after two emails. Oh well.

I can't believe it is March already! February went so quick!

I had the sonogram that the doctor ordered on Tuesday. I should have the results next week. Everyone keep their fingers crossed!

On Saturday, we have our first meeting with the priest, Msgr. Jeff Conway. Tom and I are both excited. It is the last big piece we've been waiting for in the wedding plans. We are both hoping that he will agree to do the ceremony. We both love his sermons and he is the priest who runs the "Study of Luke" that we've been attending. At the healing mass we went to, almost every person he touched fell down in seconds. It was really crazy. I wouldn't allow myself to get blessed by him and went to father Joe instead. I was not going to end up on the floor, especially since I had to pee!

I had a test in Core last week. I'm almost positive that I got an A, especially considering she gave out the EXACT essay questions before the exam. The ridiculous thing, is that on Monday, she said that a large portion of the class did poorly. How could you get a low grade on an exam when you HAVE the exam ahead of time? Reading the text book wasn't even necessary because EVERY topic was covered in class. She literally didn't miss ANYTHING! I feel bad for her because she is trying so hard to make everyone's lives easy, and her effort is obviously not being appreciated.

I am so mad! I found out that if I had majored in English from day 1, I would have graduated in 2 1/2 years, just based on my AP, college now, and transfer credits. How absurd! I'm switching my major to English now, in order to graduate on time. The semester I took off when I was sick really pushed everything back. We're not planning on having kids any time soon, so I don't know why I was so worried about having to get the computer science degree. I can always go back to school at any time. I was planning on going to grad school all along. Not sure why I was making life so much harder on myself. English courses don't have laboratory components, and I could be going to class 2 days per week instead of 4. A much better situation if you ask me!

Well, more updates soon!

At least something is going right. Last week, Caremark, the company that handles my medication, failed to call me back after I left a voicemail. I realized yesterday that I have no medication for Saturday. Their calling system was ridiculous! I would call and after 2-3 minutes of pressing numbers until I finally got to the operator, she would transfer me to this girl named Lucia. For some reason, Lucia was rarely available to take a call and I would have to leave a voicemail. She went on leave in December, and I got a new girl who was easier to understand and who was always available to place the order. Last week, Lucia came back and I left her a voicemail. No callback, of course. It isn't the first thing on my mind all the time. I always call when I see I have two shots left, but after I call, I sort of forget about it. I remembered last night, "Oh my God, I don't have my shots and they never called me!" I just called them now, and it turns out, they re-organized their phone system. Now I press 2 numbers and I'm connected with the first available representative. They are shipping the Avonex out to me Friday. What a relief!

I had a CORE exam this morning. I definitely got an A. I practically wrote a book for the essay. I was actually surprised at how much I remembered. Not bad :-D

Tom and I have an appointment on Saturday with the Priest at my church. That is the last important component in the wedding that isn't officially booked yet. I'm not really sure what to expect, so I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.

The testing came back from Saturday. Every number that could be wrong, is. I'm having a sonogram next week to determine if it is kidney stones. I really feel like this is more than I can handle right now. I want a break already. Everytime I get passed one hurdle, it seems as if another takes its place. I finally got up the courage to let Tom do my injections. Now it has only been replaced with worries of more medications. I'm really sick of being sick.

Ok, I have a lab report to do and a test tomorrow at 8AM. Best get working on that!

Tom did my injection today for the first time. He did a great job!!!! He didn't even leave a mark! I've been having some weird pains in my back. The doctor wants me to go for a sonogram to check my kidneys. Let's all keep our fingers crossed. I don't think I can handle anything else on my plate. The new pills are keeping the side effects at bay with the only negative being knocking me out for 4 hours today. I just woke up a minute or two ago.

We had a minor panic attack yesterday. We went to Nicotra's Ballrooom at the Hilton Garden Inn to put our deposit down and sign our reception contract. On the contract, it says that any outside vendors like photographers, have to have $1,000,000 in liability insurance. That sounds like a lot of money and with our photographer being from Albany, we were hoping it wasn't some crazy NYC amount where the rest of the country insures for only $100,000. Luckily, he is insured for that amount. Thank God! We were really freaking out there!!!!

Tom asked Mark to be his best man (one of them), and he accepted. He told Tom he was like a brother to him and of course he would do it. He seemed really excited. Everything is really coming together!

NO! Of course not! This is one terribly bad thing about living in NYC. New York City almost never calls a snow day. Even when it should, most people call their own snow day, while New York City insists that its children find their way to school and employees find their way to work. It is really annoying. Tom and Mom are at work right now, both saying the roads are bad. I skipped school and rescheduled my nail appointment. I want it to be spring already!

Tom and I went on a really romantic date to the Marina Cafe last Wednesday. The food was great, as always, and I used a gift card that I won for signing up for their online mailing list. We were seated right by the window so we had a beautiful view of the docks. Just a nice night. We're going to make that an early Valentine's Day since we shouldn't be spending so much money while saving up for the wedding.

Wedding plans are going well. We're making the deposit with the photographer today and the reception hall will be booked on Friday. Carol (a friend of the family who works at the reception hall) has been so incredibly helpful. Weddings are so expensive in the tri-state area. We were talking about it and she was saying that part of the reason that weddings are cheaper in other areas is that in NYC almost every wedding offers 3 entree choices as opposed to only one. Tom and I were adding up the costs and estimating on the ones we don't know and the cost is definitely creeping up to $40,000. Yikes. Luckily, both sets of parents are paying for their own guests so it is helping defray the costs.

The new prescription-strength Alieve is awesome. Now instead of overdosing on Advil every week, I take one pill and it almost completely alleviates the side effects. This week I also took Tylenol since I was still a little sick around hour 4 and the medication made me very drowsy, but anything is better than what was originally occurring every week. No more pain is a good thing.

Wednesday, Tom and I are going to see a movie and just relaxing. Looking forward to that. He was off from work Monday to spend the day with me and again Friday. We needed the extra alone time.

Sunday night we watched the Grammys. I've since read a lot of criticism that Christina Aguilera wasn't wearing red to support the campaign against AIDS in Africa. This actually made me happy. I'm so sick of artists getting up on their soapboxes and preaching about problems in other countries. Is AIDS only limited to Africa? No. Why do we parade around in other countries, proposing to fix problems we are ignoring at home? I don't see people from other countries coming to the aid of our citizens with AIDS (or hungry, or who have cancer, etc). The holier than thou attitude of the celebrity world is becoming very tiresome. If Angelina Jolie is such a humantarian, why didn't she adopt any orphans here in the US? Better yet, adopt a disabled orphan that would need the resources only that kind of wealth could bring. Guess charity only goes so far...

Time for school stuff!

Last Saturday, Dr. Sceusa repeated my blood work and my thyroid came up almost normal. That is a relief since I'm sick of doctor's appointments and I don't want to have to take more medications.

Yesterday was my second appointment with the new MS specialist. It went pretty well. He doesn't leave any stone unturned. He wouldn't let anything that I mentioned go. First, the nurse came in and did the neurological exam. The numbness now only affects my left hand and the top of my left arm. The "swallowed a cell phone" feeling is back. It is more of an annoyance than anything else. I have also been having really strange headaches on the right side of my head. I'll have an intense pain over a few minutes in 30-40 second intervals. It is too infrequent and passes too quickly to treat it with painkillers. The doctor said he could give me a daily pill for the headaches, but I'm not up for any more drugs than I have to take. He prescribed a 12-hour painkiller to deal with the side effects. I think that will help a great deal. Many of the problems I've been having with the side effects are the result of the lapse between doses of advil. This has prevented me from taking the medication at night, because if I take the advil before bed, it wears off after 6 hours and I end up waking up sick. Maybe the new prescription will help. I was also given a prescription for new, smaller needles. The current needle is 23 gauge and 1 1/4 inches long. The new one is 24 gauge and 1 inch long. A little thinner and a little shorter. We'll try it out and see how it goes. The doctor also ordered two more MRIs to track the progress of the old lesions and check for any new ones. From what has gone on so far, it seems like this doctor really wants to make sure we're properly managing my MS. The whole team seems like they will do anything they can to help alleviate your symptoms and keep you as well as possible. I am really starting to trust this doctor. So far, he has allowed me to make my own decisions for my treatment, rather than trying to push me into starting any medications that I don't want.

Wedding stuff is getting really exciting. Going to start a wedding newsletter to give all of my bridesmaids the details soon. Next week, we're meeting with the banquet manager at the reception hall. We spoke to the photographer on the phone last week. He is absolutely great and we can't wait to work with him. More updates soon!

We'll just have to forget that January ever happened and act like it was part of 06... :-)

Blood work came back and my thyroid was abnormal. This is a pain in the butt since I have had that number go up and down in the past, but it was never bad enough to treat it. Now I'm taking a medication that affects my thyroid it is a lot more complicated. I'm going to see what the new neurologist says about it tomorrow, but my PCP wants me to make an appointment with an endocrinologist(sp?) anyway.

Keeping my fingers crossed for a better 2007.

My appointment with the new neurologist is Tuesday. My PCP (who happend to be Tom's cousin) is great with injections and blood works. I am nervous about anyone else taking my blood, especially after the disaster at the hospital. I was telling the doc today about the 4-inch bruise the nurse gave me when he moved the needle around in my arm when my vein dried up. A friend from Best Buy who worked overnight as an EMT told me the needle could have broken off in my arm and done some serious damage. My doc is a very serious man and it was very scary seeing him nod his head in agreement when I told him I had heard that. I am glad I decided to let him take the bloodwork instead of the neurologist. Better safe then sorry. I need to have my blood drawn every 3 months to monitor my liver and thyroid function (side effect of the Avonex). I feel much better knowing I have someone who won't hurt me to do it. This morning was the first of those blood tests (a bit late).

Tom was sweet enough to take a few hours off from work to take me to the doctor's office. I needed to have the blood drawn and had him do my shot. Tom watched to get an idea of how it will go when he takes over. We learned a great deal in just a few minutes. The air bubble that the nurse told us to leave in to "seal the medication" should be taken out. This may be the reason that the medication hurts as I'm injecting into the muscle. We are also supposed to pull back slightly on the plunger to check if it draws any blood into the liquid. This means I'm in a blood vessel and to take the needle out and reinject. Learning how to do it the right way is making me much less nervous about the whole process. Side effects are still rough. 1.5 hours later I feel tired, usually lasting through hour 3. 4 hours later the headache starts. By 5 hours I am wholed up in a room with the lights off. Hour 6 is when the muscle aches start, peaking at hour 8 and stopping shortly after hour 12. Like clockwork. I spent 3 hours in Tom's bed tonight laying down with my eyes closed, but unable to sleep. Advil helps a little but I don't think it is humanly possible to lessen the side effects any more. The same dose is given to me as a 300 lb man. I am 5' and 120 lbs. A woman I know who weighs 180 has had almost no side effects and she is very early in her treatment (thank God, very happy for her). My side effects are continuing and we are now in week 19. I'm hoping it will get better soon. Side effects are definitely preferred over disability. I'll live.

Now for the fabulous details of 2007. My cousin Pete went in for surgery two days ago. He was a member of the FDNY and was treated for two cancers last year related to his time at WTC during the cleanup. This surgery may be for a third. He is now recovering and hopefully going home tomorrow. We will know whether or not it is cancer when the pathology comes back in a few days. Please keep him in your prayers.

I have also started off 2007 with an attack. Brina and I have to postpone our BU trip to the third week of January instead of the second week. For the last two days my leg has been feeling off. Today it went to full blown attack status (comparable to the first attack). It started in my thigh and spread up to my upper back and down to my foot. My hand is tingling. Strangely enough it is on the left side this time. The numbness proceeded in the same order as last time on a completely different side. I'm not really sure what this means. I don't know if it could mean that I have a more progressive case then I was originally let on to. I think that's worst case scenario, but it pops into my head. I believe in being fully honest with myself and other people. It will give me and other people the most realistic perspective on what I am going through and maybe one day it will help someone who is going through the same thing and knows that he or she is not alone in feeling this way. I'm bothered by the fact that I can't explain this attack. I haven't been particularly fatigued. I've been under stress, but no more than usual. I was treated for an upper respiratory infection a few weeks ago. The doctor that works with my PCP put me on 500 mg of antibiotics twice a day, starting on the 16th of December. It successfully dealt with one infection but gave me a ridiculous yeast infection that I treated by eating yogurt. Toughed that one out on Christmas Eve. The infection may be the reason, but I'd like to know for sure. I'd like to know if this indicates a progression, if this is a new lesion or if the old lesion is expanding. Perhaps the old lesion healed all together and this is a new lesion, causing the numbness on a different side. This attack is also causing a weird spasm, electricution feeling to travel in through my left inner thigh. Never had that before. Planning on telling the doctor all of this. Actually think I'll go write it down.

I'm optimistic that the rest of this year will be much better. I'll make sure of it.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. There has been so much going on lately. I know I haven't updated in months. This is going to be very long, so go get some coffee and a snack.

How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was fun. We were ahead of the game this year. Tom and I put the tree up after Thanksgiving dinner (it looked beautiful, I'll post pictures later when I'm feeling less lazy). We finished out decorations the day after. The apartment looked amazing. I am so excited about all of the decorations we bought and received this year. My Mom lent us (although she says keep it, grrr) her snowman window. It is a small window (glass with wood frame) with a snowman painted on it. So cute. We bought a picture in the city of ice skaters in Central Park and hung it. Vynne (future mother-in-law) bought Tom a Corgi Christmas tree for his birthday (adorable!!!!) We bought winter-themed plates, cutting board, place mats, and even oven mits. The whole kitchen is snowman themed. I picked up this adorable snowman figurine at my cousin's store. My Mom gave us a little sitting snowman figuring from the store in our "Christmas Eve/Christmas Day" Basket. The basket was adorable. Mom put it together with the Lenox ornament she gets us each year, his and her mugs, hot chocolate, his and her pajamas, a Christmas Pillow, a Christmas Throw, It's a Wonderful Life DVD, A Christmas CD, and Christmas-smelling tarts.

We enjoyed all of our gifts this year. Tom bought me a really nice winter coat. He also got me "photopoly," you put your own pictures in it! So cute! He also got me box sets from two of my favorite shows, "Ghost Hunters" and "Dog Whisperer" (half the time I mess them up and say "Ghost Whiperers" or "Dog Hunters," the latter would be very cruel lol). My Mom bought me tons of beautiful clothes, cook books, sudoku(YAY!!!), and gift cards. She also bought Tom and I the first piece of our China set. You all know I love butterflies. My Grandmother's best friend Claire always used to say that when people died they become butterflies (Grandma is the yellow and black butterfly on the flower tattoo on my back). Our China pattern is Lenox and the pattern is called "Butterfly Meadow." Mom bought us the napkin holder (complete with overly expensive matching Lenox napkins.) It is butterfly shaped. So cute!!!! I'm already 3/4 of the way through the Dog Whisperer book Vynne gave me. We now have tons of video games to play. Those are shortened lists, but I can go on all day.

Tom's family joined my family for Christmas Eve. We had 30 or so people in the house, so we had to put Josie away upstairs. Afterwards, we exchanged gifts and went to Midnight Mass. On Christmas Day, we had dinner at both of our houses.

Health wise, I've been doing ok. Been feeling a little tingly from time to time. The week before Christmas, I was very sick with an upper respiratory infection so I was on antibiotics. I didn't want to do my shot when I was sick, so I went to the doctor's office a day late and had him do it. I spend 30 minutes with ice on my leg, which is incredibly painful, just to do my shot really slow and feel it hurt anyway. My doctor didn't numb it at all, and I didn't even feel it. He did it in my rear. It is very frustrating that it could be THAT painless and I suffer every week. Tom and I are going to be going to the doctor to have him teach us how to do it. I was never given enough training to do the shot by myself in the first place. They told me nothing could go wrong... tell that to my GIANT bruises, and my tendon that I hit that day. Then some nurse at an MS seminar told me I need a smaller needle, that I would need to be 300 pounds to use that needle (my doctor used this needle when he did it on me, he said it is a big needle, but not too big for my body). They told me to rotate between my two thighs as injection sites... my doctor now informs me that I could do it in my rear (which seems to be much less painful during and after the shot). My butt muscles don't get much use but I walk with my legs, so it makes sense to use my butt. I still hate doing it but we're trying to make it better. Side effects have improved, but are not gone. I still get an intense headache, muscle aches, and chills for 24 hours after the shot. I do my best with Advil, but I weigh 119 pounds and I'm given the same dose as a 300 pound man. There's not much I can do. Been having a lot of problems thinking. I think it might be made worse by the stress of the holidays and school. Just trying to hold on until the 9th. I have an appointment with the new MS specialist.

School has been stressful. I'm changing majors to computer science. At this point in time, being a biology major with a full schedule of lab courses is too much. Homework takes me twice as long as it used to with all of the distractions. At my house, I am constantly distracted by phone calls and dogs barking, etc. At Tom's, if it isn't the phone ringing, its the sound from video games, or someone coming to visit. I took incompletes for the semester. I'm really annoyed at my doctor. The delay in getting the medication started really screwed me for the semester. 103 fever for 24 hours out of the week, isn't conducive to school work. I shouldn't have had to adjust to such a brutal medication during a semester. I couldn't work before a start and I certainly couldn't work through the side effects. In the earlier weeks, I can't even count the hours I spent worrying about the side effects and the shot itself. I now got that worrying time down to 3 or 4 hours :-) It also didn't help that I had a month-long attack where all of my limbs went numb. My professors are all being very supportive. I found out that although I only attended polisci for 3 classes, I received a 92 on the first exam. At least we know it is true that my IQ isn't affected. I still have more emails to write, but I'm feeling optimistic.

Work. Too lazy to look back in old posts to see if I wrote this, but I left Best Buy. It was too much with school 4 days a week, a shot taking up almost 2, and work. I because a Creative Memories Consultant (I sell and demo scrapbooking supplies). It has been enough to survive on. It helps that I also write some reviews for Epinions.com. I make about $20 per month on there, plus I won $100 in their contest. Been pretty lucky this year with that. I also won $100 on Z100 in September. There's another $2500 drawing tonight. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Anyone can write reviews for them, so if anyone wants any extra cash, check it out. I plan to get another job during the summer. When I only have one class, working isn't a problem for me. I just need to not be dividing my attention with a full course load.

Other random thoughts. I am craving crispy green bean fries from Friday's right now. I am in love with the new Daughtry CD. I'm hungry. More updates soon, hopefully.